✅ Answer: Pay close attention to the following verse and narrations:

1 Allah Almighty said:

وَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْكُمْ فِيمَا عَرَّضْتُم بِهِ مِنْ خِطْبَةِ النِّسَاءِ أَوْ أَكْنَنتُمْ فِي أَنفُسِكُمْ عَلِمَ اللَّهُ أَنَّكُمْ سَتَذْكُرُونَهُنَّ وَلَكِن لَّا تُوَاعِدُوهُنَّ سِرًّا إِلَّا أَن تَقُولُوا قَوْلًا مَّعْرُوفًا وَلَا تَعْزِمُوا عُقْدَةَ النِّكَاحِ حَتَّى يَبْلُغَ الْكِتَابُ أَجَلَهُ وَاعْلَمُوا أَنَّ اللَّهَ يَعْلَمُ مَا فِي أَنفُسِكُمْ فَاحْذَرُوهُ وَاعْلَمُوا أَنَّ اللَّهَ غَفُورٌ حَلِيمٌ

And there is no blame upon you for that to which you hint concerning a proposal to women (who are in ‘Iddah) or what you conceal in your hearts. Allah knows that you will remember them. But do not promise them secretly except to say a proper word. And do not resolve on the marriage contract until the prescribed term reaches its end. And know that Allah knows what is within yourselves, so beware of Him. And know that Allah is Forgiving, Forbearing.

📚 Surah Al-Baqarah, verse 235

2 عَنِ الْحَلَبِيِّ عَنْ أَبِي عَبْدِ اللَّهِ قَالَ: سَأَلْتُهُ عَنْ قَوْلِ اللَّهِ عَزَّ وَ جَلَّ وَ لكِنْ لا تُواعِدُوهُنَّ سِرًّا إِلَّا أَنْ تَقُولُوا قَوْلًا مَعْرُوفاً قَالَ هُوَ الرَّجُلُ يَقُولُ لِلْمَرْأَةِ قَبْلَ أَنْ تَنْقَضِيَ عِدَّتُهَا أُوَاعِدُكِ بَيْتَ فُلَانٍ لِيُعَرِّضَ لَهَا بِالْخِطْبَةِ وَ يَعْنِي بِقَوْلِهِ إِلَّا أَنْ تَقُولُوا قَوْلًا مَعْرُوفاً التَّعْرِيضَ بِالْخِطْبَةِ وَ لَا يَعْزِمْ عُقْدَةَ النِّكَاحِ حَتَّى يَبْلُغَ الْكِتَابُ أَجَلَهُ.

📚 Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 434

Halabi said: I asked Imam Sadiq (peace be upon him) about the words of Allah, the Mighty and Majestic (in Surah Al-Baqarah, verse 235) where He says: [But do not promise them secretly except to say a proper word];

He replied: This refers to a man who, before the woman’s ‘Iddah is finished, says to her: “I will meet you in the house of so-and-so,” thus hinting at a proposal with such words (which is forbidden).

And what is meant by Allah’s words “except to say a proper word” is to hint at marriage in a proper and permissible way, but he must not resolve on the contract until her ‘Iddah is over.

3 عَنْ عَلِيِّ بْنِ أَبِي حَمْزَةَ قَالَ: سَأَلْتُ أَبَا الْحَسَنِ عَنْ قَوْلِ اللَّهِ عَزَّ وَ جَلَّ وَ لكِنْ لا تُواعِدُوهُنَّ سِرًّا قَالَ يَقُولُ الرَّجُلُ أُوَاعِدُكِ بَيْتَ آلِ فُلَانٍ يُعَرِّضُ لَهَا بِالرَّفَثِ وَ يَرْفُثُ يَقُولُ اللَّهُ عَزَّ وَ جَلَّ إِلَّا أَنْ تَقُولُوا قَوْلًا مَعْرُوفاً وَ الْقَوْلُ الْمَعْرُوفُ التَّعْرِيضُ بِالْخِطْبَةِ عَلَى وَجْهِهَا وَ حِلِّهَا وَ لا تَعْزِمُوا عُقْدَةَ النِّكاحِ حَتَّى يَبْلُغَ الْكِتابُ أَجَلَهُ.

📚 Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 435

Ali ibn Abi Hamzah said: I asked Imam Musa al-Kadhim (peace be upon him) about Allah’s words, the Mighty and Majestic: “But do not promise them secretly.” He said: This prohibition is that a man says to a woman: I promise you in the house of so-and-so, thereby alluding to intimacy, and explicitly mentioning what occurs between husband and wife!

Allah, the Mighty and Majestic, says: “except to say a proper word,” meaning that the proper word is hinting at marriage in a lawful manner, but they should not resolve upon the contract of marriage until the ‘Iddah ends!

4 عَنْ عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ بْنِ أَبِي عَبْدِ اللَّهِ عَنْ أَبِي عَبْدِ اللَّهِ فِي قَوْلِ اللَّهِ عَزَّ وَ جَلَّ إِلَّا أَنْ تَقُولُوا قَوْلًا مَعْرُوفاً قَالَ يَلْقَاهَا فَيَقُولُ إِنِّي فِيكِ لَرَاغِبٌ وَ إِنِّي لِلنِّسَاءِ لَمُكْرِمٌ وَ لَا تَسْبِقِينِي بِنَفْسِكِ وَ السِّرُّ لَا يَخْلُو مَعَهَا حَيْثُ وَعَدَهَا.

📚 Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 435

Abd al-Rahman said: I asked Imam Sadiq (peace be upon him) about Allah’s words, the Mighty and Majestic: “except to say a proper word.” He replied: He may meet the woman and say to her: Indeed, I am inclined towards you, I honor and respect women, so do not pass me over for yourself!

And the secrecy (mentioned in the verse) refers to when he promises her and then meets with her in seclusion, which is forbidden.

The limits and conditions of hinting at a proposal to a woman in ‘Iddah

5 أَبِي بَصِير عَنْ أَبِي عَبْداللَّه فِي قَوْلِ اللَّهِ عَزَّ وَ جَلَّ لا تُواعِدُوهُنَّ سِرًّا إِلَّا أَنْ تَقُولُوا قَوْلًا مَعْرُوفاً قَالَ الْمَرْأَةُ فِي عِدَّتِهَا تَقُولُ لَهَا قَوْلًا جَمِيلًا تُرَغِّبُهَا فِي نَفْسِكَ وَ لَا تَقُولُ إِنِّي أَصْنَعُ كَذَا وَ أَصْنَعُ كَذَا الْقَبِيحَ مِنَ الْأَمْرِ فِي الْبُضْعِ وَ كُلَّ أَمْرٍ قَبِيح

📚 Tafsir al-‘Ayyashi, vol. 1, p. 123

Imam Sadiq (peace be upon him) regarding Allah’s words, the Mighty and Majestic: “Do not promise them secretly except to say a proper word” said: It means to speak beautiful words to the woman in ‘Iddah to make her inclined towards you, but not to say: I will do such and such with you of indecent matters of intimacy!

6 مسعدة بن صدقة عن أَبِي عَبْداللَّه في قَوْلِ اللَّهِ إِلَّا أَنْ تَقُولُوا قَوْلًا مَعْرُوفاً قال يَقُولُ الرَّجُلُ لِلْمَرْأَةِ و هِيَ فِي عِدَّتِهَا يَا هَذِهِ مَا أَحَبَّ إِلَيَّ مَا سَرَّكِ[إِلَّا مَا أَ سَرّکِ] وَ لَوْ قَدْ مَضَى عِدَّتُكِ لَا تَفُوتِينِي إِنْ شَاءاللَّهُ فَلَا تَسْبِقِينِي بِنَفْسِكِ وَ هَذَا كُلُّهُ مِنْ غَيْرِ أَنْ یَعْزِمُوا عُقْدَةَ النِّكَاح

📚 Tafsir al-‘Ayyashi, vol. 1, p. 123

Imam Sadiq (peace be upon him) said about Allah’s words, the Mighty and Majestic: “except to say a proper word”: This is that a man says to the woman in ‘Iddah: O so-and-so, how I love that which pleases you (or: I do not like except what makes you happy). And if your ‘Iddah ends, God willing, you will not lose me; so do not pass me by for yourself!

And all this is provided they do not resolve or decide on the marriage contract until the ‘Iddah is over!

✅ From the verse and the narrations above, it is understood that if a woman is in ‘Iddah and a man for whom marriage with her is lawful intends to marry her after her ‘Iddah ends, he cannot explicitly propose during her ‘Iddah, nor can he resolve upon marriage during that period, nor may he meet her in seclusion.

However, hinting at a proposal with proper words is permissible. For example, according to the narrations, he may meet her and say:

How much I love what pleases you!

Or: I am inclined towards you!

Or: My character is that I honor and respect women!

Or: Do not pass me by for yourself!

Or: If your ‘Iddah ends, God willing, you will not lose me!

And other beautiful words that incline her towards him, such as saying: I am generous, I have good character, and so on.

✅ But hinting at a proposal with improper words is forbidden. For example, if the man says to the woman:

I promise you in such-and-such house!

Or: Your meeting place is in such-and-such house where I will do such-and-such indecent acts!

And so on.

✅ In summary, regarding a woman in ‘Iddah and a man intending to marry her after it ends:

He must not meet her in seclusion

He must not propose explicitly

He must not speak of indecent matters of intimacy

And he must not resolve or intend marriage until the ‘Iddah ends

✅ He may only, without explicitly proposing, say proper and beautiful words to incline her towards him, as mentioned in the narrations.

And he may intend in his heart to marry her after the ‘Iddah.

✅ It is clear that being alone with the woman, explicit proposals, deciding openly on marriage, or discussing dowry amounts and marriage conditions during her ‘Iddah has no allowance. What some ignorant men and women do nowadays—setting the dowry or even going for pre-marriage medical tests during the ‘Iddah—has no basis and is not permitted. They must wait until the ‘Iddah ends. The man may only use proper words of beauty to incline her, but explicit proposal or decision of marriage is not permitted.

✅ Although the subject of the previous verse, verse 234 of Surah Al-Baqarah, concerns the ‘Iddah of death (widowhood), verse 235 and the narrations show that these rulings are not restricted to the widow’s ‘Iddah, but include other forms of ‘Iddah as well, such as the waiting period after a temporary marriage. The distinction that some make between the ‘Iddah of death and that of divorce (revocable or irrevocable) has no clear basis in narrations, except perhaps claimed consensus.

اللَّهُمَّ فَصَلِّ عَلَی مُحَمَّدٍ وَ آلِ مُحَمَّدٍ وَ عَجِّلْ لِوَلِیِّکَ الْفَرَجَ وَ الْعَافِیَةَ وَ النَّصْرَ