Question 1369: Can a father and mother also be disowned by their child ('aq al-walid)?
Answer
✅ Answer: Please pay attention to the following narration:
📚 Al-Faqih vol.4 p.372
Imam Sadiq (peace be upon him) narrated from his ancestors that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him and his family) said in his will to Amir al-Mu'minin (peace be upon him):
O Ali! The right of the child upon his father is that he should choose a good name for him, raise him well, and place him in a righteous and worthy place (in terms of a spouse and a profession, etc.)!
And the right of the father upon his son is that he should not call him by name, should not walk in front of him, should not sit in front of him, and should not go to the public bath with him!
O Ali! May Allah curse the father and mother who force their child into 'uquq' (disobedience) and disobedience to themselves! (Meaning, they act in a way and give commands to the child that are beyond the child's endurance or are difficult for him, so the child is forced to disobey and becomes 'aqq al-walidin' (disowned by parents))!
O Ali! Just as 'uquq al-walidin' (disowning of parents) becomes a companion to the child, the 'uquq' of the child also becomes a companion to the father and mother!
O Ali! May Allah have mercy on the father and mother who help their child to be kind to them (by giving easy commands and within the child's ability)!
O Ali! Whoever makes his parents sad, has surely been 'aqq' towards them!
📚 Al-Kafi vol.6 p.50
Imam Sadiq (peace be upon him) said: The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him and his family) said: May Allah have mercy on the one who helps his child to be kind to him! He said: I said: How can he help him to be kind to him?! He said: He should accept what is easy for the child, forgive what is difficult for the child, and not force him to do what is beyond his ability (or is a sin), and not be unkind to him and not abandon gentleness and leniency with him....
✅ According to the above narrations and others, a child is 'aqq' towards his parents by disobeying them, harming them, and making them sad, which is considered a very dangerous sin in the narrations.
But just as the child can be 'aqq' towards his parents, the father and mother can also be 'aqq' towards their child by oppressing and violating the rights of the child, which unfortunately parents pay less attention to and think that only the child can be 'aqq' towards the parents, and they do not realize that by violating the rights of and oppressing the child, the 'uquq' of the child accompanies them and they will be held accountable by Allah!
✅ Of course, the parents' wrong behavior that causes their 'uquq' by the child never becomes an excuse or a reason for the child's negligence in the rights of the parents, and the child never has the right to abandon the rights of the parents.
✅ Today, there are many fathers and mothers who are 'aqq' by their children due to the lack of religious and Islamic upbringing and the violation of other rights of the child. The 'uquq' of the child is a sin that is not visible to people, and it is appropriate for all believers to pay attention to this important matter and recognize the rights of the child and act upon them so that they do not become 'aqq' by their child!